Sharing is Caring, and Pretty Intimidating

Welcome back into the messy mind of Morgan! First, a quick update on my transformation into a real SoCal girl: in my pursuit to become perfectly sun-kissed like the Cali girls from the movies, I have come to the conclusion that not only is 30 SPF insufficient for my fair skin underneath the Golden Coast's sun, but my return to Nebraska will also make way for the book I'm writing called "A Series of Unfortunate Sunburns." Just kidding, I'm not going to write a book, but I do have about four different sets of tan lines--all results of horrible sunburns caused by my love for naps on the beach. I will miss that more than anything when I leave here. Laying out on the burning sand and drifting away to the sound of worship music and my Heavenly Father whispering lovely songs of affection into my ear has become a form of resting in God's perfection for me.

Now, for the real update: Evangelizing! Since most of you reading this have supported my way to San Diego, it's only fair for you all to hear about the real reason I came to California this summer.  I go to the SDSU campus every Monday to share my faith with college students in different forms.  We use Soularium (a picture survey used to hear their thoughts on God), Perspective Cards (a different survey that gets deeper spiritually, quicker), and today we did what is called "conversational evangelism."  The latter form of sharing turned me into a giant pile of jelly that had no understanding of the english language.  I love making conversation with people I don't know (I am my mother's daughter after all), but when it's in a casual setting. So, I have a fight to pick with the person who decided I needed to go up to random people in pursuit of "casual" conversation (i.e. a conversation that I know needs to go in the direction of spirituality).  Of course I'm only bothered by this evangelism technique because it puts me out of my comfort zone, which includes a safety net in the form of people thinking I'm not bothersome.  So the first day we did this, I made Cam start the conversation we had with a guy named Nate at SDSU, and naturally God proved to me that the things I am afraid of are silly and minute.  Nate was super open to talking to us, and really we just got to know him like we were making friends.  We asked about his favorite things to do in the city, how long he'd been in school, what his dream job was...normal things.  Once we got to asking what his spiritual life was like, he shut down a bit, only answering with a few words and vaguely expressing his disinterest to know God any more than he does.  While conversations like this can be discouraging, it's so important to remember that God sends out multitudes of people to do a multitude of work.  Some of his workers are sent to plant the seeds of the gospel, some are sent to water those seeds, and then there are the harvesters.  Part of me is just dying to be a harvester, at least once, but so far God has been using me with the intent to plant and water, and I'm learning to LOVE this job.  Instead of walking away from conversations that fizzle out to an awkward "well, see you around then I hope" with the sense that I have failed at evangelizing, I am able to walk away praying for God to continue to send people into that person's life, and knowing that He will because that is a promise He has made.  As a Christian, you have to remember that sometimes you won't see the fruits of your labor in those relationships you pour in to.  It's a hard thought, but something that God has increasingly revealed in my life.  So, even if I'm not seeing the people I share with come to Christ, I am still planting and watering those seeds of the gospel that will one day grow into a relationship with God.

If you have supported me financially or in prayer, know that you are a part of every conversation I have.  Every time I get the opportunity to share the gospel with someone, YOU are aiding in that person's journey to Christ! I'm so grateful to have this journey with you all!

In other news that falls into the category of "really cool things God is doing in San Diego," my Heavenly Father is filling me with this immense joy that I haven't felt in such a long time! I wrote a while back about my depression and how I could feel that darkness creeping back into my heart, and while everyone responded with amazing support and love, I arrived in San Diego feeling it even worse than I did all year.  But the more I spend time with God by myself the more He is replacing that emptiness and loneliness with  a light and joy that I can not even put into words! Who knew the solution to my problem was literally at my fingertips this entire time.  I watched a Beth Moore clip today, and one thing she said stuck out to me a lot. She said, "in the darkness of this world, all you have to do is stretch your hands out in front of you.  God is right there saying, 'stay right there, I'm coming to get you.  I'm right here'."  Wow.  I always knew that God wanted to meet me where I was at, but I always assumed that there would have to be a little bit of moving on my end. All he wants from me is to stretch my arms out and say "God, it's so dark in here. I can't see a thing. Help." and He will be right there.  This resonates so much in my heart because the illustration of being in a pitch black room is exactly how I felt when my plane took off from Epply Airport back in May.  This summer has consisted of me reaching my arms out and crying out for God, and He has shown up to save me in so many ways!

I hope and pray that God is working in all of your hearts the way He is in mine, and I challenge all of you to spend alone time with Him outside of the church.  Lock yourself away for an hour or two, turn on some worship and praise, get into the word, and just rest in God's goodness and grace.  It will make such a difference in the way you go about your day and the way your heart is growing, I promise. Start in the gospel and become so familiar with what Christ did on this earth that you can think of a story to apply to everything that happens to you.  Sing at the top of your lungs the praise that is in your heart.  Write your prayers out in a journal.  Read them over. and over. and over.  Talk to someone about how He spoke to you.  Tell them about his sweet whispers or his rumbling commands.  Describe your convictions and process your questions out loud.  God wants to spend time with you. It is vain to say "I love God" if you can't say "I seek God".  God wants YOU and YOUR heart. Every single bit of it.